After a series of light and humorous posts, I finally decided to buckle up for a serious effort - something that's deep, dark and thought provoking. Something that has set my mind ticking for the last few hours. Some lessons that life has thrown at my door, trying to pry it open, but some which I probably didn't learn, because I was busy pushing the door close and trying to lock it.
My twentieth birthday has left me asking a lot of questions about life - what it has taught me so far, how far it has pushed me to show my potential, how many times I decided to polish my outlook and who are the people who are in it with me for the long run. Although a lot of people might say that they've seen similar posts from a lot of bloggers - that too from all age groups, so mine isn't something that provides ground-breaking truths and never-before-known facts of life. Of course, I'll admit to their point of opinion, as they are certainly entitled to it, but I feel that everybody goes through a phase like mine at least once in his/her life, and this probably becomes the defining moment for the next few months to come.
My realization hit me like a brick a few hours ago. The warning had always been there for the taking, but I was blind and mistrustful. Considering the humongous nature of this Great Comprehension, and the privacy required, it might be unfortunate that I can only write about the outcome, and not about the events that actually led to the awakening of the Self to this great Truth.
Ah yes, probably a lot of words already sounding spiritual ( read: to a lot of people, "spiritual" is synonymous to "dull" and "boring"). But then, it is what it is: a simple brat stumbling onto an understanding, having to make a fealty with his inbred morals and principles, with Fate and Life contriving several hurdles in his path to test his will power and commitment to his passion.
I just realized that life is never what it seems - on the exterior, all might be nice and rosy, but you gotta take it by the horns to find out if it is as beautiful on the inside as it is on the outside. A good friend of mine told me that life takes down paths which later diverge... The classic case of picking a road and going down that one no matter how much the heart wavers, is what matters. Once you pick a path, you can never revert back to the fork again in life and try the other path as well. She also compared life's crossroads to a crossing - the signal at the crossroads is instrumental in defining your determination to reach out for the unknown. Many people come to the signal at the crossroads - and get stranded there, unable to decide whether to cross the signal and move ahead, where life in it's infinite mystery and wisdom has planned something for them, or just sit at the crossing, within their comfort zones, waving at others who dare to cross the signal.
My greatest lesson today, apart from the 'life is never as it seems' maxim stated in the above paragraph, is one about trust. Trust is a very delicate matter. When trusting a soul, the heart is firm abut it's needs. It is justified in it's demands. Trust is what keeps one going in life, because without trust, a person becomes shallow and unpredictably on the edge. When this trust is not reflected by the other soul, or God forbid, if this trust is betrayed, it leads to one of the deadliest states that either the mindor the heart can ever achieve. While some find it amusing to indulge in power games, I personally find it petty and draining. Though it doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be aware of the balance of power, just so that future decisions can be taken without a hitch. You cannot go to war with a colleague who doesn't trust you. Even a slight error in judgement, or faltering and indecisiveness can lead to the ultimate downfall. The worst case of this scene is when he means well but is incompetent. This is because he might accidentally shoot you in the back - and no matter what purists say - friendly fire...isn't.
Well, it's nearly 4a.m., my life's lessons learnt the hard way today...I've got a wake up call at 4:30, so might as well hit the sack to the give the old limbs a decent rest before the road trip tomorrow. It's gonna take around 11 to 12 hours behind the wheel - and sleeping for a half hour is a baaaad idea. Don't know what made me write this post....just goes to show that sleep deprivation and long conversations on phone make one's judgement at 4 in the morning prettty weak. :)
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