A Time to Reflect??

After a series of light and humorous posts, I finally decided to buckle up for a serious effort - something that's deep, dark and thought provoking. Something that has set my mind ticking for the last few hours. Some lessons that life has thrown at my door, trying to pry it open, but some which I probably didn't learn, because I was busy pushing the door close and trying to lock it.

My twentieth birthday has left me asking a lot of questions about life - what it has taught me so far, how far it has pushed me to show my potential, how many times I decided to polish my outlook and who are the people who are in it with me for the long run. Although a lot of people might say that they've seen similar posts from a lot of bloggers - that too from all age groups, so mine isn't something that provides ground-breaking truths and never-before-known facts of life. Of course, I'll admit to their point of opinion, as they are certainly entitled to it, but I feel that everybody goes through a phase like mine at least once in his/her life, and this probably becomes the defining moment for the next few months to come.

My realization hit me like a brick a few hours ago. The warning had always been there for the taking, but I was blind and mistrustful. Considering the humongous nature of this Great Comprehension, and the privacy required, it might be unfortunate that I can only write about the outcome, and not about the events that actually led to the awakening of the Self to this great Truth.

Ah yes, probably a lot of words already sounding spiritual ( read: to a lot of people, "spiritual" is synonymous to "dull" and "boring"). But then, it is what it is: a simple brat stumbling onto an understanding, having to make a fealty with his inbred morals and principles, with Fate and Life contriving several hurdles in his path to test his will power and commitment to his passion.

I just realized that life is never what it seems - on the exterior, all might be nice and rosy, but you gotta take it by the horns to find out if it is as beautiful on the inside as it is on the outside. A good friend of mine told me that life takes down paths which later diverge... The classic case of picking a road and going down that one no matter how much the heart wavers, is what matters. Once you pick a path, you can never revert back to the fork again in life and try the other path as well. She also compared life's crossroads to a crossing - the signal at the crossroads is instrumental in defining your determination to reach out for the unknown. Many people come to the signal at the crossroads - and get stranded there, unable to decide whether to cross the signal and move ahead, where life in it's infinite mystery and wisdom has planned something for them, or just sit at the crossing, within their comfort zones, waving at others who dare to cross the signal.

My greatest lesson today, apart from the 'life is never as it seems' maxim stated in the above paragraph, is one about trust. Trust is a very delicate matter. When trusting a soul, the heart is firm abut it's needs. It is justified in it's demands. Trust is what keeps one going in life, because without trust, a person becomes shallow and unpredictably on the edge. When this trust is not reflected by the other soul, or God forbid, if this trust is betrayed, it leads to one of the deadliest states that either the mindor the heart can ever achieve. While some find it amusing to indulge in power games, I personally find it petty and draining. Though it doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be aware of the balance of power, just so that future decisions can be taken without a hitch. You cannot go to war with a colleague who doesn't trust you. Even a slight error in judgement, or faltering and indecisiveness can lead to the ultimate downfall. The worst case of this scene is when he means well but is incompetent. This is because he might accidentally shoot you in the back - and no matter what purists say - friendly fire...isn't.

Well, it's nearly 4a.m., my life's lessons learnt the hard way today...I've got a wake up call at 4:30, so might as well hit the sack to the give the old limbs a decent rest before the road trip tomorrow. It's gonna take around 11 to 12 hours behind the wheel - and sleeping for a half hour is a baaaad idea. Don't know what made me write this post....just goes to show that sleep deprivation and long conversations on phone make one's judgement at 4 in the morning prettty weak. :)

WhyGodWhy - an anonymous BITSian

The following is a post that's been making the rounds in our regular DC spam... certainly caught my eye, it's an excellent rendition of the mindset of the outgoing batch of our college, aka our seniors. This has been taken verbatim, I certainly claim no credit whatsoever in it's conception. Read and enjoy.


"There are stories written with vibrant characters that say intelligent things and have distinctive characters and have brilliant chemistry between them. I was once a part of such a story. The problem with such stories, especially when you’re a part of them is that they must always come to an end. And so did this one. It inched and crawled to a slow inevitable end that gave us all the time to prepare and then at the end of it, took us by surprise anyway.

You spend your adolescent life with little or no knowledge of what you’re working for truly means. In my case, I discovered, all my expectations were but a tiny fraction of the sum of my experiences. It was an experience that built slowly like a rising tide into a lovely frenzy of time to waste. The time on my hands which was mine to waste turned into one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. An experience that was comprised of little routines and smiles and waves and puffs. An experience that will be cherished forever.

For it was in those little routines of waking up at 1 in the afternoon and foraging for food, of crushing ganja and rolling it in joints for my wingmates, of settling down on the corridor or the breezy roof and laughing at seemingly witty jokes with the tiny sounds of mobile phone music that I truly discovered the meaning of brotherhood.

I have always held on to the fact that there was no way you could stand in your boxer shorts next to a bunch of post-adolescent engineering students much like yourself and brush your teeth and not become close. But “close” doesn’t quite cover it. We knew every little detail about each other daily lives not unlike the way a lifetime of marriage teaches you about your wife or husband for that matter.

We knew the way the other person always forgot to switch off the lights before heading to bed, the way another groaned when we got a little too intimate (playfully so) for his comfort levels (levels that had been shattered long ago), the way some of us focused selflessly on the task at hand smiling occasionally with a witty retort, slaving under a stationary fan using expert fingers to produce joints for the rest of us who were relaxing in the breeze as we spoke and laughed. We knew when we were hit, when we should stop and what about us gave us class and placed us apart.

We were family.
And then the time to go came and went. Slowly one by one, we left the home that we had made over the last couple of years. In the days that led up to our departure, our doors were rarely closed and we were always the gracious hosts to hesitant and almost coy guests and outsiders. They always came and were never disappointed. The last few days passed all too quickly in a friendly soporific and calm lull filled with laughter, friends and music. The most exquisite detail about those days was that no matter how close we came to separation; we were never in any hurry. It was almost as if the sheer comfort of being in each others company didn’t allow us to think unpleasant thoughts.

But soon we left, one by one. And still we hung on to our merriment as thought the others had merely stepped out for a short stroll. I think we were too afraid to think of how it truly would be without each others company. Before I knew it, I was the last one left and thought it was for just one night, I could barely take it. I sang to myself and cried. And in a desperate attempt to leave a little bit of myself behind, left my posters on the wall. As I left, I noticed little details that I’d ignored from familiarity, the view from my room, the pattern of oil spots on my wall, the roof, the leaves, everything. And as I walked from locked door to locked door, I was filled with a sense of loss more profound than I’ve known for a long time; a sense of loss that was heightened by my awareness of its magnitude. I’d lost a big piece of my life and my family; and I knew it.

So, though I would love to recount details of my delicious and nostalgic story to you, dear reader, I can’t. Because as one of my seniors put it when he spoke about a very similar predicament, “Some stories are like colourful butterflies, pinning them down to a page only takes the life out of them.” I can only tell you that I was part of one such story. A story that will stay with all of us, it’s vibrant, independent, distinctive and entertaining characters, for the rest of our lives."