(courtesy http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1198)
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Get around These Quotes (Psyche Series :P)
"Sure, there's no 'i' in team, but there is an 'm' and an 'e'. -Kevin Meyers"
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
And the Question is Why...? (Psyche :P) - Series II
And The Question Is Why...?
Why..? Why...? Why..?
Does anything have an answer...? I m sure it possibly does.. but I don't find it...! and now it has started annoying me...! Errr... I didnt want to post this but REALLY cant help...!
Why..? Why...? Why..?
This is the beginning of the latest post of one of the blogs I follow... "Far Far Away....!" authored by one of my friends. I decided to a spoof of the very same post ( And the Question is Why...? ) :P Sorry Sowmie!!
The following questions have picked up from here and there, and ask a good deal out of all those who pretend they know enough about life :P, no offense!!
Why..?Why..Why..?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead...?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard...?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him...?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets...?
Why is there never a day that mattresses are not on sale...?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized...?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures...?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over...?
Why do I never hear father-in-law jokes...?
There are many more questions, once I find answers to these, I’ll think about the remaining...!
(Note: All statements in italics have been copied verbatim from the aforementioned post....except this one, of course!! >:P)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Words of a few Geniuses (Psyche!! :P) - Series I
The following are a few ....ahem...ARGUABLE quotes taken from a few well known individuals... plus MY tidbits of wisdom forced onto them :P. This might well be the first of several installments of such a post!!
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
- I see. Very interesting. Stereotype blonde, or a gift of gab combined with the wild hope that most of the judges are deaf?!?
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
- Aah. The blonde component again. Poor girl, she should be transported to the locales she's watched on TV and left alone to contemplate her dietary issues.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
- Oh really? I wouldn't have noticed. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!!
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
- Neither have I. Hey! We have something in common!!
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
- Wow. America must be barbaric. All hail!
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
- And forty percent mathematical.
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
- Wonder what was polluting HIM when he said that.Something gastric, surely.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle
- Wow. 300 miles. He's discovered the time-space continuum theory!
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?" --Lee Iacocca
- He was one of the greatest managers ever that Ford had, he's the mind behind the all-time great Ford Mustang, and is even more famous for his effort in dragging Chrysler out from the brink of bankruptcy, and one of my idols. I don't know about you, Mr.Lido - but I could use all the clean air I can.
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
- Well, guess what. He's right.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
- I would have simply excluded this line from MY article.
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
- NOooooo! Just when I wanted them the most!!
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
- Good to know. Maybe next time they can export HIM.
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
- Technology knows no bounds. _/\_.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Dronos versus the DUNCE
(The following is a work of fiction, or rather, exaggerated truth, based on a few loose truthful events that took place ;P).
Here's a funny dream about a B-Plan Presentation I had last night....hope you enjoy it!
The scene is:
The presentation team Dronos has just finished filming an ad to repair it's lost reputation.
Dronos is essentially a series of high class, luxury segment watches. The special features include: auto-synchronization according to time zones, high rate of durability, and an accuracy to boast of.
The judge is, let's call her....Mrs. Partiallity Encountering Some Teams, a.k.a PEST.
During the questions round, the audience, which essentially comprises of the team's rivals and competitors (though not necessarily in the same field and segment), there was a multitude of questions asked by the PEST's favourite brand owner.
Let's call him.....Mr. Do U Know Cheating Endures, a.k.a DUNCE.
The DUNCE had already finished his round, where he and his team had showcased a done-to-the-boots idea about a series of gift delivery outlets and a convenient website called E-Blings.
Let's not get into trashing THAT idea now.... reserve it for a later date.
Coming back to the questions round.
Dronos Team members include...for convenience sake...Mr.1, Mr.2, Ms.3, Ms.4 and Mr.5.
The team leader was not apparent...so let's skip that part...but I believe it was either Mr. 2 or Ms. 4
PEST: Let the questions flow!
DUNCE: (immediately rising up, no apparent consultation to his own team mates) What research have you done about your product?
Mr.2: (He’s a brilliant sonofabitch, knows how to handle himself in terse situations like this one) You have to elaborate that.
Ms.4: ( Don't really know her so well, but am hoping to... :P ) The product we have shown is perfect for the ever-traveling businessman of today...Considering the amount of traveling involved, we believe this product is the perfect solution to the time changing patterns.
DUNCE: No, no, I mean - What is your consumer base?
Ms.3: (Very cool under pressure, had earlier changed a potentially drastic situation of bad audio quality to the team's advantage by a clever interplay of words) the consumer base we are aiming for is essentially the higher class businessman.
This mostly includes people who occupy the top positions in the corporate sector, and who have to travel to many countries to settle their deals and acquire more profits for the company.
DUNCE: You haven’t given me any facts or figures. How can you judge the success of the product then?
Mr.2: Well, you want facts and figures... Do you know the O'Hara Airport? (The DUNCE shakes his head)...In Chicago?... (Further shaking)...In the USA??...(Agitated shaking, apparently unaware of the sniggers around)...Well, I suggest YOU do YOUR research on that. Anyway, the facts suggest that there are 40 million unique visitors to this airport every year. Considering that there are hundreds of airports in the world today - you can do the math...Or can you??
Ms.3: And we are looking at a potential 20-25% profit on each product, accounting for the various factors such as R&D and advertising.
DUNCE: Are you sure of your number? What's your source?
(Here the Event Manager, GIBSON, rises...) GIBSON: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, but I believe time's up for this event.
PEST: (smiling) Yes, DUNCE, thank you very much.
DUNCE: (not budging) Ma'am, at least let them answer the question!!
PEST: ( already packing her bag, has no actual idea about the competition, is already thinking about which potion to brew next, and which socks to sew ) Oh, all right, answer the question.
(The Dronos team looks at each other, in amusement) Mr.2: Of course, the Airport Logs have the figure. Well, this was the figure in 2006....
DUNCE: (jumping) AHA!! I knew it!! NO credibility whatsoever...Do not make up fictional entities such as AIRPORT LOGS!! (Scratches his head)
( Laughter everywhere...Even as his own team mates try to budge away from him trying to distance themselves from the DUNCE, he, apparently gets more agitated)
DUNCE: Well, what if the same customer decides to go twice or thrice to the same airport? What about then, huh???
Mr.2: (Shoulders sag down to show the hopelessness of the situation, cannot believe that this idiot is actually asking more questions) Excuse me... I did say 4 million UNIQUE customers.
DUNCE: (finger in his mouth) Oh.
(Again, the EM, GIBSON stands up...he's had about enough...) GIBSON: Thank you, DUNCE. Now--
DUNCE: (paying no heed to GIBSON) What is the cost of your product?
(The Dronos team, just about to leave, looks at him in bewilderment) Ms.4: Cost?
DUNCE: Yes, cost. I am a consumer to you, and I want to know the cost of your product.
Ms.4: (looks at him as if she would press charges on him if he ever decided to become a consumer of their product) Well, obviously, no one can estimate the price of the product. This is not a marketing round; it's only an advertising one.
DUNCE: (scenting blood) Aha!! So you cannot even tell the cost of your product to me!! How can I be a concerned customer then?
PEST: (amused) Come, now, DUNCE... don't be so prickly.
DUNCE: Ma'am, but if I were them, then I would have done market research on my product! That too, with my lights shut!!
PEST: What YOU do with your lights shut is no one's concern, DUNCE.....
DUNCE: (amid loud sniggers, even from his own disgruntled team mates) No no!! Suppose I want to buy a packet of peanuts.
It would cost me 10 Rs. Now if you didn’t tell me the price of the product before hand, how would I buy it?
(Here the Dronos team looks at each other. Of course, even though the question is related to marketing strategy and not advertising, they can choose to ignore it. But after all, it IS a legitimate question.)
DUNCE: ( obviously has no idea of what he's talking, oblivious to the fact that he's just asked his first decent question, continues to blabber ) Suppose I had 100Rs. in my pocket. Now the product, if it costs me 50 Rs. only, how would I know?
GIBSON: Eh??
DUNCE: I would pay you the entire 100 Rs. and have no idea about the actual cost.
Ms. 3: ( as though she would love it if she over-priced the fool) Well, we cannot tell you the actual cost... but considering the consumer base we have, and what with the profit we are talking about, I'm sure it'll be decent sized.
(The DUNCE is apparently not amused.)
Ms. 4: You say you are a concerned customer. What is the actual cost of the watches in the luxury segment nowadays?
DUNCE: Uh.....
Mr.2: What about YOUR product...... if I asked you to tell me the price of each and every gift in your outlet, would you be able to do that?
Mr.5: Yes, with the transportation charges, too, obviously.
Mr.1: Do you even know the price of courier services and speed mail today? How will your prices be any different?
Mr.2: Of course it'll be different. In fact - they'll charge more to add the cost of setting up the website!!
(The DUNCE is at a loss for words. His team has already left...leaving him to his state. )
DUNCE: But...but....
GIBSON: (relieved) Thank you, Ma'am, and all contestants for your participation. Deputy EM's - If that man (points at DUNCE) says another word), drag him out of the Lecture theater please... Another event's about to begin.
Here I left the lecture Theater, obviously amused at the level of intellect that a national level tech-fest could latch up!!
Here's a funny dream about a B-Plan Presentation I had last night....hope you enjoy it!
The scene is:
The presentation team Dronos has just finished filming an ad to repair it's lost reputation.
Dronos is essentially a series of high class, luxury segment watches. The special features include: auto-synchronization according to time zones, high rate of durability, and an accuracy to boast of.
The judge is, let's call her....Mrs. Partiallity Encountering Some Teams, a.k.a PEST.
During the questions round, the audience, which essentially comprises of the team's rivals and competitors (though not necessarily in the same field and segment), there was a multitude of questions asked by the PEST's favourite brand owner.
Let's call him.....Mr. Do U Know Cheating Endures, a.k.a DUNCE.
The DUNCE had already finished his round, where he and his team had showcased a done-to-the-boots idea about a series of gift delivery outlets and a convenient website called E-Blings.
Let's not get into trashing THAT idea now.... reserve it for a later date.
Coming back to the questions round.
Dronos Team members include...for convenience sake...Mr.1, Mr.2, Ms.3, Ms.4 and Mr.5.
The team leader was not apparent...so let's skip that part...but I believe it was either Mr. 2 or Ms. 4
PEST: Let the questions flow!
DUNCE: (immediately rising up, no apparent consultation to his own team mates) What research have you done about your product?
Mr.2: (He’s a brilliant sonofabitch, knows how to handle himself in terse situations like this one) You have to elaborate that.
Ms.4: ( Don't really know her so well, but am hoping to... :P ) The product we have shown is perfect for the ever-traveling businessman of today...Considering the amount of traveling involved, we believe this product is the perfect solution to the time changing patterns.
DUNCE: No, no, I mean - What is your consumer base?
Ms.3: (Very cool under pressure, had earlier changed a potentially drastic situation of bad audio quality to the team's advantage by a clever interplay of words) the consumer base we are aiming for is essentially the higher class businessman.
This mostly includes people who occupy the top positions in the corporate sector, and who have to travel to many countries to settle their deals and acquire more profits for the company.
DUNCE: You haven’t given me any facts or figures. How can you judge the success of the product then?
Mr.2: Well, you want facts and figures... Do you know the O'Hara Airport? (The DUNCE shakes his head)...In Chicago?... (Further shaking)...In the USA??...(Agitated shaking, apparently unaware of the sniggers around)...Well, I suggest YOU do YOUR research on that. Anyway, the facts suggest that there are 40 million unique visitors to this airport every year. Considering that there are hundreds of airports in the world today - you can do the math...Or can you??
Ms.3: And we are looking at a potential 20-25% profit on each product, accounting for the various factors such as R&D and advertising.
DUNCE: Are you sure of your number? What's your source?
(Here the Event Manager, GIBSON, rises...) GIBSON: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, but I believe time's up for this event.
PEST: (smiling) Yes, DUNCE, thank you very much.
DUNCE: (not budging) Ma'am, at least let them answer the question!!
PEST: ( already packing her bag, has no actual idea about the competition, is already thinking about which potion to brew next, and which socks to sew ) Oh, all right, answer the question.
(The Dronos team looks at each other, in amusement) Mr.2: Of course, the Airport Logs have the figure. Well, this was the figure in 2006....
DUNCE: (jumping) AHA!! I knew it!! NO credibility whatsoever...Do not make up fictional entities such as AIRPORT LOGS!! (Scratches his head)
( Laughter everywhere...Even as his own team mates try to budge away from him trying to distance themselves from the DUNCE, he, apparently gets more agitated)
DUNCE: Well, what if the same customer decides to go twice or thrice to the same airport? What about then, huh???
Mr.2: (Shoulders sag down to show the hopelessness of the situation, cannot believe that this idiot is actually asking more questions) Excuse me... I did say 4 million UNIQUE customers.
DUNCE: (finger in his mouth) Oh.
(Again, the EM, GIBSON stands up...he's had about enough...) GIBSON: Thank you, DUNCE. Now--
DUNCE: (paying no heed to GIBSON) What is the cost of your product?
(The Dronos team, just about to leave, looks at him in bewilderment) Ms.4: Cost?
DUNCE: Yes, cost. I am a consumer to you, and I want to know the cost of your product.
Ms.4: (looks at him as if she would press charges on him if he ever decided to become a consumer of their product) Well, obviously, no one can estimate the price of the product. This is not a marketing round; it's only an advertising one.
DUNCE: (scenting blood) Aha!! So you cannot even tell the cost of your product to me!! How can I be a concerned customer then?
PEST: (amused) Come, now, DUNCE... don't be so prickly.
DUNCE: Ma'am, but if I were them, then I would have done market research on my product! That too, with my lights shut!!
PEST: What YOU do with your lights shut is no one's concern, DUNCE.....
DUNCE: (amid loud sniggers, even from his own disgruntled team mates) No no!! Suppose I want to buy a packet of peanuts.
It would cost me 10 Rs. Now if you didn’t tell me the price of the product before hand, how would I buy it?
(Here the Dronos team looks at each other. Of course, even though the question is related to marketing strategy and not advertising, they can choose to ignore it. But after all, it IS a legitimate question.)
DUNCE: ( obviously has no idea of what he's talking, oblivious to the fact that he's just asked his first decent question, continues to blabber ) Suppose I had 100Rs. in my pocket. Now the product, if it costs me 50 Rs. only, how would I know?
GIBSON: Eh??
DUNCE: I would pay you the entire 100 Rs. and have no idea about the actual cost.
Ms. 3: ( as though she would love it if she over-priced the fool) Well, we cannot tell you the actual cost... but considering the consumer base we have, and what with the profit we are talking about, I'm sure it'll be decent sized.
(The DUNCE is apparently not amused.)
Ms. 4: You say you are a concerned customer. What is the actual cost of the watches in the luxury segment nowadays?
DUNCE: Uh.....
Mr.2: What about YOUR product...... if I asked you to tell me the price of each and every gift in your outlet, would you be able to do that?
Mr.5: Yes, with the transportation charges, too, obviously.
Mr.1: Do you even know the price of courier services and speed mail today? How will your prices be any different?
Mr.2: Of course it'll be different. In fact - they'll charge more to add the cost of setting up the website!!
(The DUNCE is at a loss for words. His team has already left...leaving him to his state. )
DUNCE: But...but....
GIBSON: (relieved) Thank you, Ma'am, and all contestants for your participation. Deputy EM's - If that man (points at DUNCE) says another word), drag him out of the Lecture theater please... Another event's about to begin.
Here I left the lecture Theater, obviously amused at the level of intellect that a national level tech-fest could latch up!!
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