What Guys Feel about Girls (but don't say out Loud) - A Frank Letter to all Gals

Why should I bring this up? If we don't say it out loud, it better stay put in our minds, right? Well, most of this stuff is what we assume you know, but in fact you don't (most of the time). And guess what - most guys feel the same way, and probably just don't have the guts (or are too nice) to tell them to you directly.

NOTE: As goes usually with my notes, the Bad Guy notice - no offense is meant to anyone, and all comments and criticisms welcome! This ain't just my personal opinion, and any guy who vehemently disparages my points is either faking to impress his girlfriend, or is really, just really lucky.

So here goes. 


1. NO, YOU DON'T LOOK FAT!

Guys don't care as much about their weight, let alone yours. Oh sure, the impression stands that a guy is more attracted to a girl with a great body, but in no way does that mean putting on a couple of pounds will make you any less likeable. Oh, I know, reading the last sentence, you'd be all like "Oh my God, did he just say a couple of POUNDS?" But face it - Unless the guy is a trainer for the losebellyfat.com or some similar site, and runs marathons every day for fun, and has a 19-pack abs, he simply doesn't care that much. So next time that you ask him, "Does this make me look fat?", expect the same monotonous response you'd get if you asked, "Was the dish I made really good?" :D


2. WE KNOW YOU CAN ALSO GROW FACIAL HAIR - JUST DON'T TELL US ABOUT HOW YOU TAKE THEM OUT.

Face it. It's no secret. I don't know whether you gals actually enjoy going to the parlor, and use all the hot waxes and whatnot concoctions, but guess what - all the guys get the creeps when you tell them about your exploits in that salon. Don't sport a Rajnkanth-esque stache (or like a villain from the old Western films - who keeps twirling his), anything else is almost fine. We do understand that you want to look good, but a couple of millimeters is nothing to freak out about.


3. WE LIKE IT WHEN YOU PUT YOUR ARM AROUND OURS.

Yea, and you don't have to be a girlfriend to do it! If you are close to a guy, he'll be quite happy to guide you. It gives us a sense of responsibility, and also help make other guys (and couples) jealous! :P


4. WE ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THERE MIGHT BE MORE GOOD-LOOKING GIRLS THAN THERE ARE GUYS.

Oh, save the tosh.. We know that you compare notes behind our backs, we know that you all think you can do a lot better, and we all understand that (at least in India), we might not all turn out to be Brad Pitts and Tom Cruise(s). How many times have we heard the old "99% of girls blah blah beautiful 1% blah blah my college" and how many times have we seen girls roll their eyes at this? We already know that your response is, "Look in the mirror, you perv, before you comment on the girls!" It's just an ego thing, you know.


5. DON'T PLAY GAMES.

This is one that I'm sure all the guys will agree on unanimously. If there are movies I absolutely retch at, it's the kind of movies where the girls gang up and manipulate others. Guess what - MAJOR TURNOFF! If you like the guy, just tell him. If he freaks out, then console him - straight to his face. If he's into you but you feel you aren't quite there yet, tell him so. The guy might feel bad - but will appreciate your honesty. Don't - and I repeat - DON'T leave him hanging at any point. Not only does it kill us - but in retrospect, we won't like to be seen anywhere even remotely around you again.


6. YUP, WE CARE ABOUT OUR LOOKS - BUT NOT AS MUCH AS YOU DO ABOUT YOURS.

Yea, yea, we all have seen Shahid Kapoor and his ads about whitening and fairness creams for men, and we all have used the infamous BrylCreem at some point or the other in our lives. We gives reasons such as "sunscreen" or "pollution", or even "cosmopolitan", but fact is, we take care of ourselves. We pick our clothes carefully, we think thrice before buying a deo. But that is the extent to which we might go. So don't go picking out clothes for him or keep commenting on his attire. Unless he is a Communist and wears only drab clothing, or else his mother has picked up his shirts for him, understand that his clothes were his choice and he won;t necessarily take your criticism constructively.


7. THE "IT'S NOT YOU - IT'S ME".

We've all heard this one. Don't even try it; it's a man's line, not yours. And don't pull it on us unless you have feelings for another guy and then want to break up. Even if you do so, tell us the guy's name, and give us a chance to fight for you at the very least. Unless of course the guy is that big a mighty jackass and you never really felt anything for him anyway.


8. NOT ALL OF YOUR MALE FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO HIT ON YOU.

Not even if you're a swimsuit model on the cover of Vogue magazine, will all your male buddies be trying to impress you. From where do you (referring to only some girls) get the impression that everyone has put on an act to woo you? We are as bored and irritated of putting on an act as you are.


9. IF WE SUPPORT YOU DURING A DARK PHASE IN YOUR LIFE, IT DOESN'T MEAN WE ARE TRYING TO WOO YOU, IT MEANS WE CARE.

We've all seen the movies where the do-goody best friend is finally the long-lost love that the heroine is waiting for. We didn't WANT to watch it - but you made us do. But guess what. Unless the guy is a total jerk - in which case this post isn't written about him - we really want to take care, and make sure you are okay by the end of your ordeal. No, we are not hitting on you. No, we don't even have an ulterior motive. And no, we do not expect anything in return. We just want a smile on your face and a "Thank you" will do just fine as well.

10. WE HAVE OUR LIVES. 

Just like you, we have our very real lives, with real people, real problems, real emotions. We might not be the best at talking about them, or might not even want to, but it doesn't mean we don't have them. Do NOT expect us at your beck and call every single time and make a big fuss if we can't make it once in a while. On the other hand, listen to the guy once in a while, try and find out what he thinks.

In the end, all these things (and maybe a few more I missed) are what make us who we are. All the tosh about guys maturing later than girls or not growing up is just rot. We appear immature to be cool. We are brash, aggressive, and quite adept at lying. (Oh yeah.) But we still have our conscience, and we use it when required. So do not judge us after watching us during a basketball match where we had an altercation with another player. Guess what? We like you too. :D

So How many Words have you Learnt?

Absolutely hate it when people ask me about my GRE preparations: "How many words have you learnt?" ABSOLUTELY CRAZY! Do you mean to tell me people actually count the number of words they know? Or is it that you had no idea whatsoever of the English language when you began you preparations? Like in kindergarten we thought we knew more than the next kid if he could count to ten and we could count to twelve??

It's not once or twice that people have asked me this question. It's not even the glue-eating snot-eaters or the future auditors obsessed with numbers who ask me this. 

Am I missing something here? Is there a fixed roster that I should consult? People tell me about so many books and flash cards and lists and whatnots...which of these were you referring to when you asked me? 

Nuts. NUTS!

GRE, more than anything, is out to test your logic and vocabulary - or so they say. My preparation for the exam has not been ideal - or even conventional for that matter. But I can say for sure that I'm enjoying learning the language in my own way! I'd rather not earmark 100 words a day and try out all the memory-enhancing potions and concoctions and techniques, I am more comfortable when I write stuff and learn things that are related to what I need to know! Since when has the GRE become a mugger's paradise?

Not that I'm expecting anything great. I know pros like Shalini Lahiri, Harish Aditham and Srinivas Pavan who can easily come up with awesome scores even if they are blindfolded and allowed to type with only one hand.In a blizzard. But for heaven's sake. I'm pretty sure everyone must have faced this question at least once...so how did you guys respond?

The Trip To the Mall

WARNING: THIS NOTE IS NOT BASED ON A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED BASED SOLELY ON YOUR ABILITY TO LAUGH. :P


Ladies, if you are quite jealous, and you go to the mall with your man, and think he's looking around (at other women), i want to point something out to you... If your man's in the MALL with you...he LOOOOOOVEESSS YOUUU! and! He's not thinking about other women! You know what he's thinking?

"Man, I wish I was doing something productive right now! Like cleaning out the gutters, or coming up with a life goal, or...inventing a car that runs on Shattered Dreams and Lost Faith in Myself!! But instead I'm playing minion to Princess Jealousy here and her Credit Card of Hate!!!" :D :P

And Ladies, another small fact...if you are jealous and with your man in the mall, and you start pointing towards at other chicks, saying "You like her? She's taller than me," or "What about her? She's wearing high heels...", and the guy LOOKS....THAT'S ON YOU! At that point you're just playing our wingman. ;P

What All I Learnt in College: Notes of a Disgruntled BITSian

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What all I learnt in college:

1. The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. 
2. 80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read. 
3. Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course. 
4. When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible. 


More things I learnt:

1. Don't force it; get a larger hammer. (Workshop) 
2. Any tool when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop. (again) 
3. On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes. 
4. If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know. If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question. (Esp. MT Abhilash’s classes) 
5. It is better for the college faculty level to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. (As is the present case) 
6. No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.(Never pee into the wind – moral of Harsha’s aerodynamics lecture) 
7. Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.(Rule used against AVK) 
8. If you tell the instructor you were late for lab because you had a weak stomach, the next lab you will have a weak stomach.(Analog Electronics Lab 4/5) 
9. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.(Most EMEC labs) 
10. The legibility and length of a report is inversely proportional to its importance.(SOP) 

Her Diary v/s His Diary

Her DIARY 



I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." 



I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. 



On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. 



I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." 



When we got home I felt as if I ad lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. 



He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent. 



Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. 



I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. 



I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. 



I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. 



My life is a disaster. 



HIS DIARY 



Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT. 

Who's the Grumpiest of them All?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall; 

Who’s the grumpiest of them all? 

If it’s me, then hear me pray, 

Do not keep the assessment test today! 



And if it is the corporate you see; 

In your depths of grumpy mystery, 

Just remind them of their career goals, 

And do not make them intern-haunting assholes. 



But if it is Anuraag you are claiming; 

His grumpiness is centered around ONM training! 

So just remind him of his GF back home, 

That he can then chuck his internship notes over the B-dome. 



It might be Syal, you might say; 

Him and his troubles, of not being gay. 

To him I have no words of praise or rot, 

Coz the one straight gf is all I got. 



To Ojas, you might turn your attention to; 

Hez never grumpy, though you might expect him to. 

Hez alwez in some or the other gym; 

You’d expect a stench even in the mails sent by him. 



Kosa, o mirror, is one of the worst; 

To hear him talk abt anything apart from anime is a first. 

Hez grumpy abt the project, the people and all; 

Has to handle Kolkata and the Rest of Bengal. 



And mirror, I know you cant check on KRK ob; 

Hez never there, yet hez the one who gets the job. 

I think his corporate project work is nil, 

Yet the dude is never in office, alwez seems to be ill. 



Ashish and Sabin, are two of a kind; 

Though as ghazi and mallu, they are of different mind. 

What with puzzles, and CAT, and Preeti, between them; 

It is a mystery how they have survived an entire sem! 



And mirror, o mirror, what about Rajiv, in Hyd? 

The perennial silent, and the reporter, of the tide. 

And Varun, in Pune, seems to know all; 

He knows, secretly, that in the test he ll stand tall. 



And what, I ask, of Shubham Banerjee; 

Without two front teeth, you can hardly expect glee. 

Though in Blore for a year, hez raided a few bars, 

With is daily Good Morning mails, you wouldn’t guess this guy saw black and blue stars! 



But the grumpiest of them all, I think is Nihar Sreeramshetty, 

The bloke shares a room with Gowda, whoz a tharkee to the t! 

But 6 months, of silent suffering; 

Might have turned Nihar into a God-Fearing human being. 



All in all, this was IDEA Cellular, 

My home away from home, for half a year, 

And if not for you guys, my days would have been spent, 

In Indore bars prolly, rubbing my own eyes with some ointment. 



ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: TO ALL MY PS MATES, MENTIONED AND UNMENTIONED IN THE POEM, THANKS FOR A ROCKING TIME! JUST BCOS I DINT MENTION SAHITHYA, ANKEET, SAYANI….DONT FEEL BAD! MEANS EITHER U DON’T SEND MANY MAILS, OR ARE NORMAL!!!! :D 



P.S I KNOW LAST STANZA IS LAME. DEAL WITH IT!