What's Wrong with Mah English?

The more precise among you must have realized by now what I'm referring to.  For those among you who haven't, just go back to your facebook home page (in a seperate tab, of course), and you'll find the following words aplenty... I have just picked a few from my homepage right now.


Eg: Kp (instead of Keep), cll (for college!)m the dreaded Mah.

I think the worst offender is Mah, though. No doubt the others can be put down to the not-so-trendy-any-more usage of SMS lingo - but what the hell is the deal with Mah?

Ok firstly, the SMS lingo being referred to was probably (hopefully the more discerning amongst you will appreciate that I used PROBABLY instead of the time-saving PROLLY) invented to save time while using the slightly human-unfriendly keypads on cell phones (as compared to laptops/PC's). Now what's the use of using them on a regular keyboard? Does the extra 0.00003 second that you save help you in any way? Does it prolong your life span? Does it improve your IQ? Does it give the additional freedom to take a bite out of your sandwich while you type?

No.

In fact, more time is spent on COMING UP with the idea for the perfect time-saving spelling of a word, than is saved by using it.

Now back to Mah.

I'll plagiarize this conversation I had with my friends the other day. Hell, I was part of the conversation, so it can't be termed as "plagiarized", but what the heck.

Cast: Surendra Singh Chaplot, Nikhil Balchander, Amit Abbi, Kiran Kannan and me.


Scene: Discussion on between friends who met after some six odd years. Topic: I'll be blown if I remember.

NB: You know Varun, I was reading your FB note the other day.

(I had been writing like mad for the past few days, so) Me: Which one?

NB: Wohi, GRE vocab list wala. (For those among you unfamiliar with my work, refer to: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=144477312234689 )

Me: Oh. Well, It rang from the heart.

NB: You know lots of people have asked me the same thing.

SSC: What what tell me.

(Discussion about the note) Rhubbabubbabbubbab...

KK (checks cell phone, smiles at an SMS, details of which both escape my mind and are anyway not relevant to topic here): Check this out. XYZXYZXYZ Mah dog ate it!

NB: "Mah"?

AA: Even I was thinking the same thing. Yeh "Mah" kya cheez hai bhai.

KK: Arey I was just reading whatever is there in the message.

NB (the eternal prankster): Saale kutte tu apni maa ko dog bulata hai!

KK: Abey "Mah" ka matlab "My" hota hai.

All start laughing.


Oh yeah by the way I did not include the conversation because it is funny (which it isn't, in this context. Trust me, it was funny when it happened. We went to talk about Mah home, Mah college, Mah-a-Bharat-aa and what have you.) I only included it to tell you what motivated me to write this note.

So what the bleep is Mah. Why would you want to replace My with Mah?

1. "My" is smaller. Only two letters, for the time-conscious. "Mah" has friggin' three.2.  I know many people who believe that the rap lingo (Afro-American for the more sensitive reader) is cooler. I know many guys who are friggin' brown yet believe that NBA jerseys, thick chains, tilted caps and French beards make them look like MC Hammer or something. Oh yeah and when most of these dudes open their mouths to speak, they look more like MC Stammer or something. "Mah" is a word for these guys. 3. "Mah" neither looks cool, nor sounds it. I mean look at it - M and H in one word in rapid succession? Most of the sane people I know have rolled their eyes every single time they came across "Mah".


Anyways, by now, if you as the reader aren't bored yet, I as the author certainly am. I have just realized that I have lost the last twenty something minutes of Mah life writing abt smpn dat ll crtainly nt rank amng Mah literary achivmnts. So Gn all, ggwphf.

Statutory Warning: This note was prolly so crappy that even the author does not mind if you decide to copy/plagiarize the work as your own, by any means, be it written, typed, electronic. And those among you offended by the note, (I have just reread it, and can only find that the "many guys who are friggin' brown yet believe that NBA jerseys, thick chains, tilted caps and French beards" may be among the concerned party), who cares. Sue me.